THANK YOU FIRST STEPS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME

thank you to the volunteers at First Steps who have given me support via email, it is nice to know that other people can understand how I am feeling and how difficult it can be to be recover. I felt very lonely for along time on my own with this illness and it is comforting to know I can email First Steps and get a constuctive and positive answer which helps me get through my day. I havent had the courage to go to the group sessions but hope to one day.  NRW.

‘WITHOUT FIRST STEPS I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’D BE NOW – PROBABLY DEAD’

One parent of a First Steps member recently wrote a letter to her GP stating:

"During the last year I have tried a number of other treatments that I have paid for privately, I took Samantha to see a Harley Street Hypnotherapist and she has had a number of sessions with a coach who works with low self esteem.

You may recall that I was very critical of these types of self help groups when you mentioned ‘First Steps’ to me but when you feel as desperate as I and I’m sure many other parents in my position must feel you are prepared to try anything. I remember saying to you” how can sitting around in a circle and talking possibly help” but when you are clutching at straws….. 

Samantha has now attended a number of sessions with First Steps in Derby. She came out of her first session ‘bouncing’ and said that she felt it was more helpful than any other treatment/therapy she had received.  She really looks forward to going each fortnight as she says it makes her feel much better about herself. He only regret is that there is not a class every week. 

I thought it may be useful for you to have this feedback as if you have any other patient in our position they really should attend First Steps. In my experience there is currently very little effective help for eating disorders and it is still early days for Samantha but at least now I feel that she is making progress and I think it helps her to know that she is not alone, there are many other people suffering with exactly the same thing as her. 

Thank you again for the referral."

CHANCES ARE IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU ARE STRUGGLING ................

By Anom

Chances are that if you are reading this then you are struggling with some kind of eating disorder. i have been for a number of years, and probably would have given in to the constant battle without the un- ending support of FIRST STEPS. You will know the pain and suffering it causes and the isolation you feel, but you are not alone because FIRST STEPS really do care and understand. Although i often dont have the courage to go to the groups, i am so very grateful for the support and advice i have recieved via email. Cathy has always replied and encouraged me through some extremely tough times. I often re- read the letters on really hard days as they are a source of comfort, offering hope, that you can get over this illness and go on to lead a full and happy life.

FIRST STEPS HAVE PLAYED AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN MY RECOVERY

By anom

 First Steps have played an important role in my recovery during my wait for treatment at leicester Eating disorder service. First Steps offers a fantastic service to both sufferers and carers, I know my family have gained greatly from the advice at the group. Everyone has been so kind, supportive, honest and genuine, they are caring and dedicated people willing to listen. Thankyou

AT THE END OF EACH GROUP .........................

By Carer

I thought that it was amazing to see a group of people looking genuinely happy and smiling so much at the end of the session.

CHRISTMAS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A TIME OF CELEBRATION................

By group member

Christmas is supposed to be a time of celebration,
Not devastation.
Christmas is supposed to be a time of fun
Not to be dreaded a ton
 
People giving gifts, lots of food,
I foce myself to eat it, not to be rude,
Mince pies, chocolate, cakes, biscuits, bread,
They say if I dont eat, I'll soon be dead
 
I eat it down, force on a smile,
I must keep it down, if only for a while,
People dont understand, i try to explain,
I have an illness, Im not just a pain
 
But after the day, people forget,
they manipulate me about everything i ate,
I cry and cry, i do anything to survive,
but i know i must eat, in order to survive.
 

A HIDDEN PAIN

By group member

Underneath that smile, is a hidden pain,

Okay, I lost 30 pounds but what was the gain?

Acceptance? Confidence? Happiness? Control?

But these are temporary feelings; I’m never satisfied on the whole.

All my life I live in a lie,

I strive to ignore it, I really do try,

But it’s not that easy, life’s on a never-ending low,

I turn to face the image in that shadowy window.

FAT, HIDEOUS.SPOTTY.MY LEGS ARE TOO WIDE.

MY STOMACH IS TOO BIG.

Days are long, difficult and slow,

I ask for hope, but no-one knows which way to go,

Still I plunge through the days, holding on to a pinch of hope,

But I have one thing, food as my way to cope.

RECOVERY. WHAT EXACTLY IS IT?

By first steps member

Recovery. What exactly is it?
Does the burnt out candle finally get lit?
I fill with anxiety, hatred and denial,
I decide to put myself on the recovery trial.
 
I complete one day on this overwhelming food plan,
I break down, can't do it, everyone says i can,
I go through the day, hold back the tears,
I ignore the shocked looks from all of my peers.
 
I finish a piece of toast, victory is won,
I feel uncomfortably full but the deed is done,
I ignore the feelings and look towards tea,
There it is, I cry, scream and plea.
 
I stare at the plate,
with true fear and hate,
Carbs, calories, full, fat,
I'm pressured to eat it and thats that.
 
A day is done, success is mine,
what I didn't know is tomorrow is gonna rapidly decline,
One step forward, 4 steps back,
Confidence and hope, that's what I lack.

Fear of weight gain, pounds, stones,
But I know I must recover, I can already feel my bones,
Recovery isn't easy but worth it in the end,
Out of the bad comes good, having support and help to lend.
 

AN ENORMOUS THANKYOU

By KJB

Dear First Steps

Just a little note to say an enourmous thankyou for organising the group, I really cant expalin quite how much it has helped me. Its been the only place ive felt understood and it has really been so helpful in starting my recovery. You are such an inspiration and meeting you all and seeing how wonderful and well you are has given me hope. Words really cant express how grateful I am to you.

LIVING WITH BULIMIA

By Annie

I wish I could tell someone how I now feel,I feel so shaky, as if I’m gonna keel, I feel sick, ashamed, in despair, a wreck,My eyes swollen, stomach hurts, swollen neck,But who cares? It’s my fault at the end of the day,I am fat after all so I must pay. 

Even if I told someone, they’d just laugh,‘But I saw you yesterday in Sainsburys Caf!’But what they don’t know is I was binging on food,I’d had a very bad day, leaving me in the worst mood,I must be perfect; I must be the best, But the scales are putting me to the test.

 As I finish the last bite, the feelings flame inside,The realisation of my actions, I try to hide,But it’s too late ‘you’re fat, you’re a failure comes to mind’I thought I was being too kind,Immense guilt, suicidal thoughts and agony flare,I stand infront of the mirror and glare,At my reflection, so hideous, so fat,I must disperse of the guilt and that’s that. 

As I lift the lid, anxiety is so high,I know if this food stays inside me, I will die,With every jab, my hurt floods away,For my imperfection I must pay,As the chain flushes, I feel a sense of achievement,

But I know what I’ve done is harmful but yet I feel content.

I leave the bathroom and join others around me,They don’t know what feelings are inside but I let it be,I feel faint, dizzy, tired and weak, ready to collapse,But every comment of ‘fat’ makes me go into relapse.

Your torments of ‘you’re unloved, you’re fat, you aren’t wanted,Kills me inside and makes me feel self hatred. She’s right after all, why would people love me?But people can’t look inside my heart and see,The daily torments which go on in my head,But without the help of food, I would be dead,Laurens Daily torment is always on my mind,But she doesn’t know what it’s like to be kind. 

I’m sorry I’m not perfect, I’m sorry I didn’t get the A* instead of the A,I know that for these reasons I must pay,I have let people down; I haven’t achieved the best,I have to push myself to extremes to pass the test.But as longs as I have this security of mine,I will carry on living on the tightrope line.  

A BIG THANKYOU ............NOW MOVING ON TO UNIVERSITY

By Flo

I really appreciate all the support i have received from FSD and found everyone at the group really welcoming and friendly, i was soo scared the first time i came, but after a few visits began to feel a lot more comfortable coming.
I have made so many fab friends through the group and would thoroughly recommend the group to any other young people in the area suffering.
FirstSteps really helped me to understand the illness more and i learnt many alternative coping techniques through the group discussions. I also found it beneficial that recovered people help at the group as it made recovery seem more realistic.I would like to wish all members a healthy recovery, although i know this can take time.  Thanks again so much and keep up all your fabulous work,